FAILTE

hola,
So i'm sitting here in my office, constantly ducking as this giant fly buzzes around man what i would give for a fly swatter... i love lizards, snakes, rats, but flies just freak me out... i don't know why. its like your workin all happy and content and then "BUZZZZZZ" something wizzes past your ear and scares the bejeebers out of you... or maybe its just me, lol... 
so this has been one interesting morning... So last night, I get out of Pre-marital counseling and find a message on my phone- It's my co-worker telling me that a large number of unmanged systems have been connecting to my network over the last two hours, and they need to stop.  So I call the warehouse- because it's afterhours and the main office just keeps sending me to voicemail- and talk to the lady there.. i tell her that someone is connecting systems to the network and does she know anything about it.  She states that a few of the guys from r&d were working on some machines, so it is probably them.  I ask her if she can tell them to stop and she says yes.  no more machines appear on the network.  This morning I come in to work and it has become a huge thing (at least to me, but then i get excited easily- that's why i like it here, usually its more laid back and it keeps my stress level down.)  I speak with my boss and confirm with the lady from the warehouse who the culprit was.  I go to talk to the guy, but he is not here and his accomplice is in a meeting.  about an hour later I get to speak to the responsible parties and they tell me- oh it wasn't us we did all those laptops last week.  so I call the warehouse and get told oh yeah that was last week, i don't know who was accessing stuff last night.  ---but wait! when i called last night, i said someone is accessing things now and she said oh yeah these guys are working on stuff-- arrrrg so now i feel foolish cuase I already told my boss it was these guys... i do all this work adn track down the real culprit, but yeah... grrrrr ok i'm done.. blogging helps releave the stress, sortof, lol... I don't care if I have to work an hour late, i think i really need lunch today, lol... (at least the morning went by rather quickly, lol)

wow! I haven't used live journal in a looong while- but i love the little foxes it posts for my moods (a sad reason to stick witha blog i know, lol)  well it also feeds into my virb, which I like- so I can post here and it will appear in virb (of course how it looks will play a big part on if I keep it or not.) hmm, I wonder how commenting will work with this too?  will comments show in virb or lj?  or both, or none... anyways... There are 6 days until my wedding- and I'm coughing and breaking out! Arrrrg!! (well, at least we got most of my boxes put away so the apartment will be in order when JC stays the weekend and hopefully after being the home to Brian and JC all weekend it will be in decent shape when I officially move in next monday! (I can't wait!)  There is so much to do each night, I hope it all gets done.  I already packed Brian and I for the honeymoon ;) and I'm almost done packing for the weekend at mom's.  Tonight we have the final meeting with the pastor and then i hope to go back to the apartment, clean the other bathroom and take a bubble bath (I miss those!)  It's all so interesting I know, lol... Is it sad when you get to work and you are immediatly counting down to leave work and go take a bubble bath...lol... today everything else is just the annoying part before the beautiful end, lol.....(you don't understand how long i've been looking foward to this moment! lol)  I so wanted to call out sick today- I really want to rest so I can better fight this uncoming cold- but then i think i'm not that sick yet so i don't want to use my sick days... arrrg... lol all well.  just pray I don't get sick for the wedding/honeymoon.  Oh speaking of praying, Chrisa and I are going to start back up our women's Bible study.  With how busy our lives have gotten (and how far we live from eachother) we will meet once a month instead of once a week- but that is worlds better then the nothing we've been doing since i moved to columbia, lol....I'm very excited!  anyways... i'll stop talking your ear off and get back to doing that thing i do.... l8rs!!

ok, sorry it took me so long, but the forum is back up, it's name changed a wee bit though... hope to see you there!! http://s3.phpbbforfree.com/forums/geeks4god.html w00t!

Imagine me
loving what i see when the
mirror looks at me 'casue i ,
imagine me
In a Place of no insecurities
And i'm finally happy 'cause I
Imagine me
Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
'Cause they never did deserve me
Can you imagine me
Saying no to thoughts that try to control me
Remembering all you told me
Lord, can you Imagine Me
Over what my momma said
And healed what my daddy did
And I wanna live and not read that page again
Imagine me
Being free
Trusting you totally
Finally I can... Imagine Me
I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
But finally I can...Imagine Me
Being Strong and not letting people break me down
You won't get that joy this time around
Can you Imagin Me
In a world where nobody has to live afraid
Because of Your love fears are gone away
Lord, can you Imagine Me
This song is dedicated to people like me
who struggle with insecurities, with acceptance and self-esteem
You never felt good enough
never felt pretty enough
but Imagine God whispering in your ear
letting you know that everything that happened
is gone....
every sin
is gone...
every mistake
is gone...
every failure
is gone...
every insecurity
is gone...
depresion
gone...
low selfesteem
gone...
its all gone
Letting go of my past
And glad I have another chance
And my heart will dance
'Cause I don't have to read that page again
Can you Imagine Me...
-Kirk Franklin

Still feelin a little down, but this helped me ALOT!!!

why am i so depressed? and more imprtantly why do people try to help when they don't know what they are doing!? i appreciate the thought but someone came in to work over the holiday- they deposited all the checks we had recieved up to that point- which is nice, less for me to do today, but actualy created MORE for me to do becuase they didn't write down who paid what, they just left me envelopes, some with check stubs some without, some without check stubs and without any company name or return address... how am i supposed to mark who has paid now and who hasn't!? arrrggg (oh look i'm a pirate ;) lol

Did you ever hear the story of the christmas tree
Who just didn't want to change the show
He liked living in the woods and playing with squirrels
He liked icycles and snow

He liked wolves and eagles and grizzly bears
And critters and creatures that crawled
Why bugs were some of his very best friends
Spiders and ants and all

Now that's not to say that he ever looked down
On a vision of twinkled lights
Or on mirrored bubbles and peppermint canes
And a thousand other delights

And he often had dreams of tiny reindeer
And a jolly old man in a sleigh
Full of toys and presents and wonderful things
And a story of christmas day

Oh, alfie believed in christmas alright
He was full of christmas cheer
All of each and every day
And all throughout the year

To him it was more than a special time
Much more than a special day
It was more than a special story, it was more than a beautiful story
It was a special kind of way

You see some folks have never heard a jingle bell ring
And they've never heard of santa claus
They've never heard the story of the son of god
That made alfie pause

Did that mean that they'd never know of peace on earth
Or the brotherhood of man
Or know how to love, or know how to give
If they can't no one can

You see, life is a very special kind of thing
Not just for a chosen few
But for each and every living, breathing thing
Not just me and you

So when you're at christmas prayers this year
Alfie asked me if i'd ask you
Say a prayer for the wind and the water and the wood
And those who live there too

Words by john denver

so i know its a little cheezy, its from a kids cd anyways, lol... but seriously some good thought... i mean while we are busy being full of Christmas joy and showing love and prayers for eachother it would be a good idea to take a moment and just say a prayer that we will be wise with ALL that God has given us, especialy with the start of a new year... that we will learn to appreciate the beauty around us and be wise enough to see how to use God's gifts throughout nature without abusing them.... yes i know i'm an odd ball conservationist conservative christian which you really don't see much of, but i would think you should see more, especialy as a Christian we should understand that God put us here to TAKE CARE of His creation, not destroy it... Yes we can use things, but dont abuse them... so say a prayer this Christmas and New Years that we will be wise in our use of God's gifts whatever they may be... aight, i'm done :-)

"it's in every one of us, to be wise
i'm your heart open up both your eyes.."

lol... why is it the last three mornings i've made the "heart healthy" size bowl of oatmeal and couldn't eat half of it and today i made the "single serving" size and i was still starving after eating it :-p...lol... i sooo have to start getting to bed earlier especialy on the days i gotta get going at 5 am *bleh* i just wanna curl up in bed and sleep for another 3 hours adn what's totaly sucky- i finally got a sat to sleep in this last sat and i totaly still woke up at like 9 (sleeping in is like at least sleeping till 10 dudes, lol) all well... w00t! here comes another day!

How could you wait another minute
A hug is warmer when you're in it
And Baby that's a fact
And saying "I love you's" always better
Seasons, reasons, they don't matter
So don't hold back
How many people in this world
So needful in this world
How many people are praying for love

Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...

ah, wow, today has been so up and down and up and down and then just sorta in between...lol... this morning woke up, so tired, didn't wanna get up at 5 to exercise, but i did, and i admit i felt great because of doing it though....my rents car is still in the shop so i had to take dad into work, thats okyday, he's not so bad ;), but after bein at work for like 10 min i realize, how very much my back hurts... i hate to take my meds cuase they don't ease the pain as much as they make me "medicine heady" if you know what i mean, but i finally couldn't take it anymore so i took the pills, lol, w00t! drugs that only work a little, lol, and then find out that mom's car still won't be fixed so my dad gets to go home early(my mom borrowed beths car)- but i don't get to go home till mega late (my mom has to return beth's car to beth so i have to pick up brian than whenever we escape his house, lol, we have to go meet my mom so she can drop off beth's car and we can take her home- confused yet..lol..i am-but that's not so bad cuase i have something i needed to pick up in waldorf so at least i'll get to get it tonight instead of trying to go in the middle of the madness tomorow...then i wrote Vince about the promotion i was supposed to get next week, and he says he jumped the gun in telling me i'ld be promoted next week, so now i'm not moving anywhere till jan 1st...i can understand though, i mean i thought it was wierd to promote me on a week when we have 3 work days, makes more sense to move me after we get back from Christmas break, and its cool for me, cuase i wanted to get a couple more button dress shirts so i'll look more profesional when i go on calls and this way i can shop AFTER the Christmas madness, but still its a lil annoying since this is like the 2nd time they've moved it back and i gave up the f***in Fed Gov for these guys and but if they actualy take action on the 1st i'll be happy- if they move it back AGAIN THEN i'll go postal,lol...AND my Christmas shopping (which i thought i finished like 3 times now, lol... is ALMOST done again apparently, lol...) i have like 3 more gifts to get tomorow *scared of the crowds* i'm claustraphobic so this should be interesting that's why i do everything possible to avoid Christmas shopping in stores, lol....but honestly i'm feelin pretty darn good! w00t! its not been the greatest days but it's not been to shabby, i'll get to see bing tonight, chrisa tomorow, i'll get a few things done at home, and i'll have a little time to try to shop for very inexpensive nice looking clothing for my new position, lol... life, love, friends, and just a little extra time- what more could a girl ask for... oh world peace would be nice too ;)

w00t! i finished my last final last night! now comes that nail bitting time where i wait to hear how i did and hope that trying to juggle full time work and full time school didn't leave me with a half -@$$ed grade... and WHY are all the school closeing before there has even been any snow! lol... silly schools... well i gotta go cuase i got a lot to do... gotta try to clear everything off my desk so next week i can start my new position! w00t- tech here i come... yes i know i am crazy to give up a desk job at the cia for a tech job with a small business, but i hate sitting at a desk, i LOVE working on things hands on and being so busy i can't think... well... i prayed alot about it, and its what i feel i should do... besides, working with a small business may help me understand how it works better so i can better help bing start up his when he gets out of college... well hate to leave but i gotta jet!

so lol... so little time, so much to say... well, for starters sunday was one of the best days i've had in a long time... it was so perfect and romantic- bing and i went to church, then we went to see the living Christmas tree at Riverdale, next we went to wendy's :) then to see the light show in the park, then we went home and cuddled by the fire and made smores and listend to nat king cole, it was soooooo nice... finished my first final yesterday, have two more tonight, and of course NOW is the time Jerry wants me to sit in on a meeting, now that i have two finals to try to study for, lol... well, let me get to it, before i have to go- adios!

"Do not hastily go to court; for what will you do in the end, when your neighbor has put you to shame? Debate your case with your neighbor, and do not disclose the secret to another; let he who hears it expose your shame, and your reputation be ruined." Proverbs 25:8-10 that verse is for a special someone, lol... ;)

ok, here's the ReAlLy good one i read yesterday... ready for this...

"Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furhtermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercesion for us." Romans 8:33,34
I really like this one. First off, its saying that people really don't have the right to judge eachother- we all do it, but yet we all have our own problems too (and in we all i mean me too- *raises hand* #1 offender here)- but in the end, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says about you- who are they to tell you who you are - i mean if they are point out with love that you have done something wrong, that's a different thing, we need eachother to show us where we are messing up so that we won't continue to do that- but if they are condeming us, are saying "you are evil and i am pointing my finger at you and walking away" without giving you a chance first, that's wrong- i mean now yes, sometimes you try and try and try to help someone and they don't listen, then maybe you do need to back off for a bit, but don't just point and condem, becuase you are not God, you have (and in you i mean i too, lol ;) have done some pretty not cool things yourself, so who are you/I to judge someone else....
The second really cool part here is our Judge man, God is the only who can judge us, but look right here, instead of condeming, Christ is making intercesion for us! who amazing, even when we REALLY royally screw up, Christ is there pleading our case and ready to give us a second chance, same as above sometimes we take that chance and throw it in the dirt, sometimes we have to endure a hard time, but if you are a Christian, you are never alone through this hard time, you have God there- loveing you more than you could ever comprehend....

I think that Christmas has to much stress attached to it by the world. I know so many people who get all depressed and upset becuase of the rush of holidays. Honestly this is the first year for a long time that i've actualy felt like it is really Christmas. I was just sittin here at work thinkin and prayin... and i thought of something... I haven't read the Christmas story- I haven't for years at least... i got to the point where i was like "yeah yeah i know it already" i mean i watched movies and plays about it each year, but i never really paid attention to it- i was too busy buying gifts and trying to make myself and everyone else feel "Christmasy"... but why am i buying people gifts? is it becuase i HAVE to? or is it becuase I realize that God gave me the coolest best and most awesome gift anyone ever could and i want to try to in some little way share the joy God has given me to others?...
First let me explain- life is not all sunshine and roses- i have major hard times too- but i know when i am going through those major hard times that I have God. I have a creator who loves me so much. So very much that he not only died, but SUFFERED and died for me. And in order to do all that, he had to be a human being for a while, so He came down as a baby- for you and for me- He came here as a baby to die for us all so that we could live, so that we could know that we don't have to carry Anything alone or go through ANY situation alone- no matter how hard it is, i can have joy, maybe not happiness, i might be down right depressed, but i can still have joy in knowing that whatever i'm going through i will come out stronger and better then i have been yet becuase God is there with me, holding me... and if it wasn't for his birth- which is why we celebrate Christmas- than none of that would have ever happend....so while i'm "celebrating" Christmas and having my mandatory "fun" ("Fun-datory"-thanx for that mandy ;) am i really having fun? none of us should be letting the stress of the holiday bring us down- so what if everything isn't perfect- we should so just be going out there and doing things for people cuase we want to-if we want to- not becuase we HAVE to, but becuase we want to find someway to try to bring someone a little joy and happiness... Christmas isn't about me its about what I can do for YOU, because I want to do it for you not becuase i have to... its about how i can show my love for YOU, my friends... and the coolest thing is, in bringing smiles to everyone elses faces, i find one on my own... wierd huh... well i dunno, just a thought... i love you guys! all of you, every person who's been there for me, with an ear to listen, a hug to warm, a smile to welcome me in, a word of advice or kindness... MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS!!! please as you celebrate don't forget WHY you are celebrating- cuase that's what Christmas is a celebration! I LoVe YoU!! MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

ok, so most of you already know but this is just soooo funny, so for the rest of the world... i am such a blonde sometimes... so i'm sittin at my desk trying to help kim deal with a customer who was out at my front desk when the phone rang... now i usualy answer the phones "good morning, DCA, how may i help you?" but for some reason the phrase "What can I do for you" popped into my head, so it all came out "Good morning, DCA, how can i do you.".... i was like uh wait no...lol...and then it turned out to be a guy that i was helping earlier so he asked for "Jennifer" i was so embaressed i said "hold on let me get her" cuase i had to put him on hold for a minute, it was so funny... well i'm done sharing now :-D lol...:-D peace love and Jesus Christ (and bullet proof marshmellows)!!! l8rs

it's almost christmas and i am so excited!! i did not have much money to spend this year, but i think i got people stuff they will like and i can't wait to see their faces on Christmas morning! w00tness!!! AND its supposed to snow this afternoon- which i REALLY hope it does cause it would look so pretty... i dun want it to snow too much that driving home and to work tomorow is pain, but enough to make everything look all pertty and Christmasy- that would be nice....a white christmas would just be the coolest... so i woke up at like 5 am this morning, i'm gonna try to wake up at 5 3days a week to exercise.. i been feeling so lazy lately cuase i just don't have time to exercies once my day gets going, and with asthma its even more important to try to keep yourself in decent shape- i have enough problems breathing when i AM in good shape, lol, let alone when i'm all out of shape... i had to stop about half way through the exercise tape that's how bad i am right now, but i have confidence that i'll be able to work all the way through it in no time, if i keep dragging myself up so early, lol... actualy i was like dead until i drank some bawlz on the way to work - which is an extremely high caffinated geek energy drink- lol... well guess i'll try ot get some more work done, actualy right now i'm reading about Rebekah for chrisa and my Bible study tonight... i think this will be a particularly good one...

W00t! i'm back at work :-\ lol... man its hard to go back after you've been away for any extended period of time... i cannot wait till next semester- i hope i only have to take 1 class and can take it on a weekday evening so that i can have saturdays to get stuff done...and i hope that i get the promotion here at work soon, lol... all well... feeling MUCH better and was so just in time for thanksgiving. so i got to eat some! w00t! now i'm feeling fat, lol... but that's holidayitis...does anyone one know what type of area beltsville is? it has apartments i may be able to afford if i get the promotion ever, lol.... well i should go- have tons of mailing to do :-p lol :-D l8rs!!

oh just a quickie, lol...if you find yourself with a moment go here http://www.mcleanbible.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=2445 go down to the life of paul expand it and listen to the one about forgivness, it is awesome! God is so good.

all i have to say for yesterday and the next few days... stomach flu is so not fun... i'm going back to bed now...l8rs...

last night was nice... i'm not at 100% but i'm much better. Brian is so sweet. he tried so hard to make me feel better, pllus it was UBER nice that his work schedule worked out so that he could take the car last night and just pick me up from work today, saving me from all that driving back and forth from columbia - i do love him :-D... wow... interesting how it can be sooooo very quiet and not a call for 20minutes or more, but the moment i decide to take some time to pray hard about someone or something, THAT's when the phone rings... and then i'll get like 5 calls in a row, totally throwing me off track of what i was praying about... hmmm... lol... so i accidently created a forum, i decided to see if it will be a hit enough that it will be worth keeping, it could be fun if people actualy post on it... http://s2.phpbbforfree.com/forums/geekinit.html check it out! lol.. well back to work, i can't wait till 5 when my baby takes me away from here... *sigh* smiles...

Every minute i pass through
is another minute closer to you-
Each minute takes an hour to pass
'till the hour i'm in your arms at last -- Jennifer 11/05

why do i get so tired so much lately? it seems like no matter when i go to bed or what i do or don't do i am tired. its so frustrating, i remember a time when i could stay up all day and all night and feel alive and energetic, now i feel drained and like climbing back under the covers before my day even begans- before the day before even ends, lol- i hope that having only one class to take next semester will help, but i know that's not my main problem... it frustrates me that i have to drive all the time lately... i know brian wishes i didn't and he could, i know he's more frustrated than me that he can't afford to fix his car right now, cuase he knows how much i hate driving, but still doesn't help- i feel like i never get to spend anytime at home anymore... feels like... i dunno, like i'm just so tired... every morning this week i've woken up looking for reasons to stay home from work and just sleep adn relax the day away... *sigh*... WHY!!! Why is it in my very nature to hurry to get to the next thing that has to be done, even though all i want is to relax but i'm the one who won't let myself...and it frustrates me to caues i'm realizeing more and more how i'm getting so overloaded that i don't even like to be around people as much right now, i just want to be in peace and quiet and relax, which is not good cuase i don't want to be unsocial... i long for the days when i can have as john mayer puts it in "the home life"*(see bottom)... i need to put myself and keep myself in a more relaxing environment, the dr.'s keep warning me about my stress and i don't know what to do to keep it down, lol.. i'm so easily stressed...

and all this stress and unrest
has me feelin so burnt out
I want to talk and keep you close
but when i try words can't come out
my minds moved so fast, It can't keep up
in silence i try to explain
i wish i knew why i'm all closed up
y it is i feel so drained
to tired to laugh to run or play
to busy to stop right now
Still i press through another day
My body and soul cries out..... <--wow i'm even so drained i can't write a decent poem, well i tried, lol...


I think I'm gonna stay home
Have myself a home life
Sitting in the slow-mo
And listening to the daylight
I am not a nomad
I am not a rocket man
I was born a housecat
By the slight of my mother's hand

I want to see the end game
I want to have his last name
Finish on a Friday
And sit in traffic on the highway
See, I refuse to believe
That my life's gonna be
Just some string of incompletes
Never to lead me to anything remotely close to a home life

Been holding out for the home life
My whole life

I can tell you this much
I will marry just once
We said eternity
And I will go to my grave
With the life that I gave
Now just some melody line
On a radio wave
It dissipates
And soon evaporates
But home life doesn't change

I want to live in the center of a circle
I want to live on the side of a square
I'd love to walk where we both can talk but
I've got to leave you cause my ride is here

Home life
You TAKE the home life
You KEEP the home life
I'll come back for the home life
I promise